Jim, Greg, Dave, and Bob

Thank you for sharing your time and your ideas on our July 6 telephone conference call.

And thank you for the opportunity of presenting this proposal for generating
or regenerating excitement in your 200 managers.

Please allow me to recap some of the communication challenges you have shared with me.

֎  When to send an e-mail, went to leave a voicemail message, and when to walk over to a persons desk, to deliver a message

֎   How to write effective e-mails

֎   How to eliminate the fear, dread, and sometimes paranoia some of the managers face when they have to create a business document

֎   How to understand the needs of the audience and what is the correct manner in which to communicate with them

֎   How to write a memo that is concise and articulate

֎   How to alleviate this tendency on the part of some managers to depend on the communications department

֎   Sometimes, we communicate but don’t hear and understand what is being communicated and we don’t take the time to question so that we have understanding of what is being communicated to us

֎   Frustration on the part of leaders with our lack of skills in communicating

֎   Lack of professionalism

֎   What’s appropriate for business writing?

AP Format
Chicago Style Guide.
APA Style Guide
All of the above
None of the above

For the purpose of this proposal, I will limit the focus to the business writing portion of the general topic of communication skills.

Business writing should be:


 What makes this program unique?


That means that what participants hear at eleven o’clock builds upon what they heard at ten and nine o’clock.

Let me give you a quick example.

Consider this sentence.


A man walked down the street.

Do you get a picture here of what’s happening?

Is this sentence. Clear? Maybe.

Is this sentence concise? I guess.

Is it correct? Not sure.

Is this sentence complete? Again, nor sure.

Let’s see if we can improve upon that sentence.

Abraham Lincoln staggered down Pennsylvania Avenue.

Do you get a better picture of what’s happening? I think so.

Or perhaps your picture might not match the pictures in your readers’ heads.

So, we might need to add a little more information.

Abraham Lincoln staggered down Pennsylvania Avenue with John Wilkes Booth.


Abraham Lincoln staggered down Pennsylvania Avenue in pain.

Do we now have two reasons why Lincoln may have staggered down Pennsylvania Avenue?

Do we see why writing must be CLEAR?

Are we starting to see why the Seven Cs of business writing are important?

Let’s try this another way.

Consider this sentence.

It is important that you become aware of the dangers of tobacco products.

What is this sentence talking about?

What message should we take away from this sentence?

Have you ever heard the expression,” stick to the subject?”





Let’s see if we can clear that up.

Cigarettes and chewing tobacco cause cancer.

Is that last example sentence clear, concise, correct, complete, conversational, concrete, and compelling? I think so.

Let’s get to the good stuff.

What is this going to cost Penn Highlands Health Care?

Let’s Talk Investments

I applaud your decision to invest in the Communication Skills of your employees.

However, your employees will also need to make an investment in the success of this program.

They need to make an investment Intellectually, Emotionally, and Physically.

Fear and Dread and Paranoia

Your employees have a logical reason to fear and dread Business Writing.

And, it’s not their fault.

Many of them missed a lot of writing essentials in school.


Because not all English Teachers are created equal.


A good English Teacher must be thoroughly grounded in Grammar, Literature, and Writing.

Some English Teachers were really good at Grammar and therefore they thought they would become a teacher.

Some English Teachers can write well but have no clue how to teach others how to write.

If your employees ran into any of these pseudo English Teachers, I can’t blame them for feeling fear and dread and paranoia.

So, how do we get them Intellectually, Emotionally and Physically invested?

1. We invite them to a unique Business Writing experience entitled:
What Your English Teachers Never Told You and Why It’s Important To How You Write Today

Now they know their fear and dread have a basis in reality. It’s no longer their fault. They are now ready to accept a new way of looking at their Business Writing.

2. We invite them to send me an e-mail detailing their ideas on what they would like to see and hear and learn in this program.

They are now intellectually, emotionally, and physically involved in the program.

3. As part of this program, I invite participants to send me up to three pages of their typical Business Writing.

I will evaluate them, write my comments on their samples and return them after the program. By the end of the program they will already know what comments I made on their samples.

4. As part of the invitation to attend the program, you can ask them to review this very short video giving them significant reasons why their Business Writing is important to them and Penn Highlands Health Care.



Again, they are now intellectually, emotionally, and physically involved in the program.



Gentlemen, thank you for allowing me to present this information to you.

As you can see, I get a little emotionally attached to my programs.

I’m sure you have many questions.

I am eager to address all of your comments, questions, and concerns by phone or e-mail.

Thank you again.

P.S. When you are ready to invite your 200 managers to participate in this program, I will be happy to help you write that invitation. By the way, inviting them to participate rather than implying, “Thou Shalt” is another way of getting them intellectually, emotionally, and physically involved.